Vivophobia:
Commitmento\marriago phobia
This is an intense phobia which has so far not found any cure.
Fear of losing mind ,blurting out a song that’s been running on your mind, or wetting your pants aaah the
list never ends .You definitely can’t ask for anything more if your roll number
falls between dreadful topper roll numbers and you are called for a group viva.
But above all, the most terrific thing to happen would be when the teacher who loathes you the most happens to come
over for a chit chat while you are in the midst of your viva and that
expression you'd wear will be so like chandler’s when he hears “Oh my god” (Janice)
You never muster up the courage to fall in love owing to
your far sightedness where in you see yourself taking the pain to keep the
cellphone in your vicinity and always fully charged and fully recharged too
because if u dare miss a series of calls
what befalls on you later is even more painful. The phobia of having to talk on
the phone daily irrespective of whether
there is any thing substantial to talk
“Did you have dinner
baby”
“Yes darling”
“Wat did u have”
“Karela(bitter guard) and dal makhni “
“Was it fried or
boiled. Was it bitter like ur dad or was it sweet like me. Do u love me or the karela
more”
And if at all you successfully manage to get past this phase the
next phase termed “where are we headed” phase will surely manage to scare the
shits out of you. Girls /women suffer more in this phase owing to a
manufacturing defect called “over thinking”. Why does he still play temple run
while am sitting next to him, why doesn’t he talk much, doesn’t he find me
attractive any more or is it some other girl who is that bitch ?? And then
those most dreaded words come out of your epiglottis “we need to talk” and
there you go, finally managed to repel a guy and now you can safely change your
relationship status to “Newly dumped” . Therefore some wise people like me
decide to live a life in solitude but no the heartless world metamorphosis
itself into a monster named marriage. You even start to freak out going to
others wedding or your relatives house if you are the next sacrificial goat to
be offered to the monster.
The next
sacrificial goat: What if I couldn’t just get myself
to love my husband and start finding other men better than him. I mean look at
draupadi she was married to the hottest and the most desirable men of that era ,yet she was crushing on karna and hence was sent to hell for having violated
the Hindu dharma . I fear this consequence matashri.
A married
woman turned ascetic: Child that will never happen
because this is kaliyug and marriage with just
one MAN will make you lose interest in the entire “MAN” kind.
Clickophobia
Ohk this is one of the craziest disorders
people suffer from. That moment before the flash appears, before the camera
makes a click sound the subject to be clicked sees the camera growing a mouth
of its own and yelling at him/her “U look like an offspring of a mammoth and a
dinosaur,do you know how obnoxious that would look and bloody hell now you want
a picture F…….” and bam there it is a picture clicked with either your eyes
closed or your mouth awfully twisted and
this will remain a testimonial to how hopelessly un-photogenic you are. Thanks
to all the horror movies as they further add to the phobia because every time
you see a photo of yours you check whether there is any white girl ghost
lurking behind you. No wonder only something as evil as a camera can see
another evil.
Concluding on a serious note I believe we as human beings
should have one phobia in common . KARMAPHOBIA. Karma is a wonderful bitch that
follows where ever you go and barks right when
you are in a mid life crisis. So people ,one good deed it comes back
equally and one sin it get backs ten times multiplied.
